If you are thinking about seeing Basic Instinct 2, I have two words for you: don't bother. Basic Instinct 2 is basically, a really bad movie. Kids born in 1992 when the original was released are about to enter high school. The fact that it's taken 14 years to get this sequel to the screen should tell you something (to stay away!).

Novelist Catherine Tramell (Sharon Stone) has moved from San Francisco to lovely London where she is involved in a car accident that kills a famous soccer player. Was it an accident or was it something more sinister? Inspector Roy Washburn (David Thewlis) wants to find out so he hires forensic psychologist Michael Glass (David Morrissey) to get into her head. Of course, Glass wants to get into more than just her head but he's got problems of his own. His ex-wife Diana (Indira Varma) left him for a reporter (Hugh Dancy) who is writing an investigative piece about one of Glass's old patients. The patient killed his pregnant girlfriend and Glass had a breakdown of sorts because of it. The piece will devastate his career if it makes it to the press. The old case, the current investigation and Glass's growing attraction to Catherine make up the plot of the movie. If you want to call it a plot.

Basic Instinct 2 is supposed to be 'twisty.' We, the audience, are supposed to wonder if Catherine is the killer or if it is someone else? But the twists and the red herrings take an awful lot of work to seem even remotely plausible. So instead of saying "Aha, I didn't see that one coming!" you end up saying "Oh, come on! What the f**k?!" Then there are the ridiculous references to Basic Instinct, including a shot of an ice pick. Worse than the plot is the dialogue. It was brutal. The screenplay written by Leora Barish and Henry Bean tries to be clever and sexy but winds up being dumb and bland. Their idea of sexy talk is using the word 'cum' ad nauseam.

I know things are hard for actresses over 40 but are they really this bad? I think Sharon Stone wanted to play the sexy, slutty Trammell to prove that older women can still be seductive. But she looked ridiculous. I felt bad for her. In half the scenes, she was dressed as if she were going to Studio 54 (back in 1978). It's also clear that the botox and all of the nips and tucks have taken their toll. In the beginning, I thought her lack of expression might have been acting, then I realized she couldn't move her face. At one point, Stone gets slapped and I swear to you, her face did not move! I think David Morrissey's hand hurt more than Sharon Stone's face! Oh and let's not forget the topless scene - designed to showcase Stone's 'killer body.' As I looked at her boobs, all I could think was, "If she lays down, those will still be pointing up." "Long after she's dead and decomposed, those bags of saline will still live on."

Basic Instinct 2 is supposed to be an 'erotic thriller.'It's not erotic - even the sex scenes are dull. It definitely isn't thrilling. You get more thrills picking ringtones for your cell phone. Basic Instinct was a guilty pleasure. Basic Instinct 2 is just guilty of being a bad movie and not even so bad it's good. It's just plain bad.

Note to Producers: I know you all want a box office hit and a sequel to a hit movie seems like an easy the way to go - but sequels aren't always a good idea. The following are not, I repeat, are not good sequel ideas: Thelma and Louise: The Legacy (starring a red-headed Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson); Brokeback Mountain II: Ennis's Revenge; Crash II: Diversity Training, and White Chicks II: Jungle Fever. Next time, we'll talk about remakes not to make.