The Brothers Grimm is a hot mess. Really, it's a piping hot mess. And if it were possible that the Brothers Grimm, famous for giving us fairy tales like Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, Rumplestilskin, Hansel and Gretel and Sleeping Beauty could themselves magically come back to life, I guarantee they'd cast some sort of wicked spell on Terry Gilliam (director) Ehren Kruger (writer), Matt Damon and Heath Ledger (stars).

According to the movie, Will (Matt Damon) and Jacob (Heath Ledger) Grimm are part story tellers/collectors and part fake 'ghostbusters'. The two con men hit unsuspecting Bavarian villages and promise to rid them of their age-old witches and trolls. After they have secured a tidy sum from the villagers, they put on a show of actual smoke and mirrors to convince the townspeople that the evil influences have indeed been vanquished. The brothers have become famous for their 'abilities.' So famous that when young girls in a small town go missing, the men are summoned to get the girls back. Aristocratic French general Delatombe (Jonathan Pryce) and his cohort Italian Cavaldi (Peter Stormare) oversee the brothers in their efforts. Ultimately, the duo (and everyone else) realize that they are up against a real-life fairy tale. This particular tale involves the 500 year-old Mirror Queen (Monica Bellucci) who has eternal life but not eternal youth. The missing girls play a key role in recovering her own youth and beauty.

The movie attempts to show some of the basis for the best of the Grimm fairytales. Hansel and Gretel are a brother and sister who set out to try and find the missing girls on their own, leaving a trail of breadcrumbs. A little girl in a red riding hood is captured. There is even a sleeping love interest, Angelika (Lena Headley) who must be awakened with a kiss. We've grown up with these stories. Yet, the quick passing reference to them is unsatisfactory at best.

The CGI effects are terrible and obvious. The script runs in circles. I think there is supposed to be humor in this movie but I just didn't get it. The suspenseful scenes aren't very suspenseful and I didn't care one way or the other about the characters. The Brothers Grimm are supposed to be Bavarian, (i.e. German), yet there was not a German accent to be found. French? Bad Italian? Marginal English? Sure, but no Bavarian accents at all. Halfway through the movie, I just wanted it to be over.

If it sounds like I'm being harsh, I guess I am. With critically-acclaimed A list people attached, my expectations are automatically higher. With Terry Gilliam, who worked with Monty Python, and who directed Brazil and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; Ehren Kruger, who wrote Arlington Road and The Ring (okay, he also wrote the Skeleton Key and Ring Two), and Matt Damon and Heath Ledger, I expected at least a half-way decent movie. I am wildly underwhelmed with this one. Wildly.

If you must see it, wait for basic cable. Even then, I doubt you'll sit through it to the end. Oh well, at least you won't have to pay for it.