The moral of Envy should be don’t covet someone else’s possessions. The real moral of Envy is that sometimes dog shit is just dog shit. And, it stinks.

Envy is the story of best friends, neighbors and co-workers Tim Dingman (Ben Stiller) and Nick Vanderpark (Jack Black). Nick is the dreamer and the idea man; Tim is the straight arrow whose feet are planted firmly on the ground. Everything changes when one of Nick’s crazy ideas actually works. He finds a way to vaporize (or Va-POO-rize) doggie doody. Faster than you can say ‘infomercial’, Nick and his wife Natalie (Saturday Night Live’s Amy Poehler) have built a mansion and an amusement park that would make Michael Jackson proud where their old house used to be. Meanwhile, Tim and his wife Debbie (Rachel Weisz) are stuck literally living in the shadow of all their neighbors’ excesses.

Even a quirky performance by Christopher Walken can’t save this film. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t focused. It wasn’t much of anything. And, then there was the annoying theme song. In the tradition of There’s Something About Mary, Envy is narrated by a Johnny Cash sounding singer/guitarist, who constantly reminds us that envy and jealousy are bad.

This would have made an excellent skit on SNL or Mad TV, but to stretch it out into a full-length movie was just wrong. Wrong.