by Thomas Ferguson

We all at one time or another have felt the need for a love guru.  You know, someone to help us through those tough times in our rocky relationships. If you ever become that desperate for help do yourself a favor and don’t call Mike Myers or his dumb character in the new “comedy” The Love Guru.

Myers plays Pitka, the number two guru in all of America.  He desperately wants to take the top spot from the Oprah approved number one guru. To get to the top spot and to get on Oprah, Pitka is giving a challenge by his P.R. people.  He has the daunting task of reuniting hockey’s greatest player Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco) with his estranged wife Prudence (Meagan Goode).

Toronto Maple Leaf owner Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba) believes Darren’s horrible game is a direct result of the break up. A fan of the great Pitka, Jane enlists his talents to help Darren’s relationship, which ultimately could help lead their team to a Stanley Cup Championship.
The only problem is that Prudence has already found a new man in Jacques Grande (Justin Timberlake) and believe me when I say, the last name fits. He plays for a Maple Leaf rival team. Not to mention the fact that he was blessed with an impressive “hockey stick” of his own.
Pitka must go through several obstacles himself to get the job done including; a mean- spirited mini coach(Verne Troyer), Darren’s heavy -handed mother(Telma Hopkins), and his own blossoming feelings for Jane.

After seeing Myer’s last fiasco The Cat in the Hat, I felt he needed to bring his “A” game to redeem himself. Unfortunately, he didn’t. This movie was absolutely horrible. It was chalked full of stale, recycled jokes that he has been using for years. I mean, how many midget jokes can one person put up with?

I was incredibly disappointed. Alba keeps proving she is just a pretty face and Timberlake was downright dreadful. His fake Celine Dion accent was comical… for all the wrong reasons. I laughed a handful of times, but I spent a majority of my time looking at my friend next to me…rolling my eyes. My friend enjoyed it, but for me The Love Guru completely missed the goal.